This Fall Equinox, I have noticed a theme in my own life and in the collective. I have had a realization that we follow our pain. We find comfort in it. As a soul who’s purpose in life since 2012 was to grow and heal my . past trauma and wounds, I have also have been reliving and perpetuating that pain. In order to heal, must we relive and feel the trauma all over again? Can we find a way to let go and move forward without being attached to the suffering?
Yesterday I had a conversation with my higher self. I asked myself , do I sabotage feeling well and healed because It is unfamiliar? Does feeling good bring me anxiety and make me think , “what do I do with myself now that I feel good? ” . It has been a pattern I have experienced alot i the last few years.
Being healed means I have to truly step into who I really am. Being my authentic self is scary and vulnerable.
I have found comfort in my pain, my suffering, my sickness. I may curse it when I feel terrible , but when it’s gone I don’t seem to know what to do with myself.
I bring this forth as my truth right now. I find that just recognizing this I can begin to shift it. I have the awareness when I sabotage my healing. I have compassion for the process. Sometimes we have to learn the same lessons time after time before the shift sticks.
It’s a brave path to be yourself.